Exclusive: Zuckerberg's Pre IPO chat recorded!!!

Mark: Is this thing on?
Grip : No, we're not recording yet
Mark: Has anyone seen my teddy Eduardo Severed Head?
Grip : (static) Dwayne, send party to find Mark's Teddy
Mark : I need a cuddle
Grip : (moves in for cuddle)
Mark : You're fired
Grip : But ...
Mark : Actually you're worse than fired you will be strapped to the warhead I'm making on campus and sent into space to do battle naked with Google's asteroid mining device
Grip : But you ...
Mark : (tasers Grip) No Grip, you no longer speak to me
Runner : Hi Lord Zuckerberg I've found Eduardo (gives Mark dirty teddy)
Mark : Well done, you will be raised from the dead when you die
Runner : Er ...
Mark : (tasers Runner) Now rise up, rise up! (bored)
Producer : Mark we're on in 5, ok?
Mark : Is Jesse Eisenberg here?
Producer : Er, no, should he be?
Mark : Yes, from henceforth I will be played by Jesse
Producer : (into mic) Yup, get Jesse, get him now
Mark : From henceforth good people of earth you shall only wear towelling robes, it is decreed
Producer : I'll get the writers to include that, shall I?
Mark : Yes, now let's reveal our real plan, 7 years in the making, to buy the country of Greece! a ha, ha, ha, ha, cough, ha, ha ...